The title of that makes me chuckle, because it makes it seem like he is still here in the physical. I had another dream with him last night, and it was so very real. He actually got me up to go and check the stove top, because I had left the gas on after cooking dinner and he alerted me to that fact.
When I went back to sleep, he whispered in my ear and then we talked for awhile. Still having the problem of understanding him. Last time it was like we had a bad connection or we were speaking on a long distance connection, this time it sounded like he was talking through marbles or underwater. I did understand that he loves me and misses me. That came through clear. And I am still having a problem remembering everything we discussed.. because it was a lot.
We were in our bedroom, and it was windy, and at one point, the drapes were blowing frantically and I laughed and said, you probably hate this because you hate the wind. Our drapes got tangled in the floor fan and as I got up to untangle them, I asked him if our dogs, Jack and Cheyenne were with him. (they were his dogs before we met and had to put them down several years ago.) I felt like he said no, and that is when I got angry and said that it wasnt him.
It was at that point that I felt his hand on the back of my head. I grabbed his hand.. and saw it, and then I turned around and he was sitting in our big chair in our room. (That was my Mom's favorite chair that we brought home after he passing) He looked younger, so much younger, and thinner. He looked like when we first met over 14 years ago. He sat in the chair, adjusting and getting comfortable, folding his legs up underneath him, and he had an iPad in his lap. (what was he reading on the iPad??)
I was in shock and awe, and as I reached out touch him, he asked me where our dogs were. (We have two other dogs we adopted) It was at that point... I was ripped from him again... moving back away and I woke up.
MAN was I angry about that.... and I laid awake for hours thinking about it. And telling him our dogs are downstairs, go say hi.
When I woke up this morning, here are the things that I know for sure.
He is younger now... and looks good. Healthy, thinner.. good
He lives in our house. I dont think he came here, I think I went to his house. Dont ask me why, but I feel I was at his house. Which is funny, because it's the same house here.
I asked him this morning that the next time we speak, if I start to leave, if he would grab me and hold onto me so that we can have more time. What I realized (or was told) was that is impossible. for me to stay longer, would mean that I would have passed over.. and there is still things here I need to finish. That was made perfectly clear to me.
I have been thinking about this whole dream today and realized that he is always with me, on my left side. that is where I will find him. (which is perfect because I was always to his right... he was always to my left)
He is still protecting me, watching out for me. And when I need him, he will be there.
After a horribly hard 2 weeks, today I feel a little better. |
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