I know exactly how you feel, the extreme sadness, the feeling of hopelessness, the desire to be with your partner. I made a pretty serious attempt, back in 2010 with prescription medications.
On top of my grief, my health was deteriorating, I had financial problems, I had wrecked my car and was screwing things up. The last straw was when my best friend got extremely critical of me, and I thought that friendship was over.
So I took a whole bunch of pills. I slept for 48 hours solid, I don't know how close it came to "working". Just total blackness, no visions of heaven or of anything else for that matter.
The turning point for me was when my best friend said that he would have been devastated if I had died. Someone did care! My life got better after that, I made new friends, I somehow pulled myself out of my financial mess. My health even improved
I guess what I am trying to say is that if my situation could improve in my 60's, your's can most certainly improve for you in your 30's. It can sometimes happen totally unexpectedly. Positive events will happen for you when you least expect it.
I now believe that we are here for a purpose, to make a special person happy or to improve the lives of people you might not even know at this time.
There are a lot of people, just on this board, that love you and would be devastated if something bad happened to you. We are all good friends that are rooting for you, so you can always feel free to lean on us, either individually or as a group!
Perhaps there was a supernatural aspect to the people that helped you. You still have a lot of life worth living still ahead of you.