|Just a short notice of eternal gratitude to all of you who responded. I am overwhelmed by such kind hearted words from you all.
I was her full-time carer for my little old mum. A caregiver as you American chaps often call us. I am a limey from a town called Neath in South Wales, UK.
There were times when I was exhausted and stressed by the caring there was little support from family, whom we are now estranged and support from a care service; they helped. But I was often running low and I was rather irritable and unpleasant to her on a few occasions to my intense and long-term shame; even slapped her once....which is unforgivable. so apart from grief there is also guilt. All I want to say to her is sorry for being such a swine when she needed my love and patience I am so ashamed of myself. It is far too late to do anything now. I am trying to expiate my guilt by telling her every night how much I am so sorry and how much I love and miss her. It is like my world has collapsed. I persevere but blimey it is hard going. I find myself getting tearful all the time and it is a struggle to do simple menial tasks.
So it was a pleasant surprise to receive your words of wisdom. I was filling up again with tears while reading them.
I am probably to wrapped up in my own feelings, or just plain stupid, to pick up on the subtle messages. so thank you all for pointing out the love that she is showing me. It meant such a lot to me at this rather dejected time.
I am reading this wonderful little book Hello from Heaven but at time it is heart breaking to read in one fell sitting. It is an emotional rollercoaster.
I have read the books the afterlife of Billy Fingers, up lifting and funny, I wish such blatant experiences would happen to me.
Thank you all