I am sending you lots of big hugs! It has been 3 years for me. I guess in some ways it gets better. I look back to the 1st year and don't know how I even got through. I think I was in a state of insanity and didn't even know it. I did all the right things, and outwardly appeared fine. But, now I can look back and feel the intense pain I went through and I guess it has gotten better. Let's just say it can't get any worse. Now I am on auto pilot and getting through because that is what we are supposed to do. Do something special for yourself today. Treat yourself to something because you deserve it! I know this day is very hard for you and all the Valentines advertised doesn't help you forget the pain. You need to make new memories for this day, (a fun time, or a time for being silly) Do something different so you can replace the pain this day represents. It is time to put the "living each hour to the Big one" away, I had to learn this and I can tell you I relived it every day. It was a hard lesson to learn, but I stop those thoughts in their tracks before they plunge me into deep sadness. You need a distraction to get through this day and then it will be easier.
My heart and love to you!