It is so nice to see you posting! I have been away from the board a bit too. I agree that the song was an ADC. When Josie recalled the First Aid box ADC, what came to my mind was that it was a pretty strong message that he wished he could "heal you". It got your attention and maybe was the beginning of an apology; a wish for healing from the person you needed healing from.
When people are mean like that, psychologically abusive, non-supportive, it can stem from a feeling of inferiority or low self esteem; it projects as meanness as a form of control and self protection.
Forgiveness is a complex journey and when we enter into it, we have to find ways of forgiving ourselves too. I was married over 25 years ago, for four years, to an emotionally abusive alcoholic. I divorced him and was angry for a very long time. Not just at him for how he treated me, but for how worried my parents were over me, and angry at myself for ignoring signs that at 49 I can see, but at 22 I was eager to rationalize. That decision to marry him had a huge impact on all our lives, mostly negative.
It wasn't until I got an annulment a few years ago that I was able to get closure. I literally had to recount everything about our relationship and in so doing I realized that we just were not meant to be. I was naïve and wanted something different than he was capable of giving. It took me a long time to realize his anger wasn't about me, he was unhappy with himself and took it out on me. The first part of my healing was leaving him, the last part was saying goodbye to that time in my life through reliving those days for the anulment. It literally took me 25 years to close that chapter.
Now that I have, I don't feel too much different. But I do have a sense of understanding and my anger has vanished, both towards him and my younger self. I am free of that anchor that weighed me down for so long.
I wish you healing as well, as you go through your unique journey.
Brightest Blessings and much love,