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From: Rick
Date: Monday, May 02, 2016 4:45 PM
Subject: No doubt left
I'll try to make this short, but it's important to understand the full scope. I lost my beloved Grandmother, my Father's Mother, on September 11, 1999. She had been sick for several months. She and I were extremely close, I would say even closer than she and her son. I visited her a few times in the hospital, but distance made it difficult and she understood. At 2:35am on September 11, 1999 while sound asleep, I heard her say "Rick, I've got to go." Just like she used to when she was leaving, I remember as a child. A few minutes after that experience, my phone rang and it was my Dad telling me that my Grandmother had passed away. I said, "I know Dad." I don't think he heard me, or cared (since he was fairly distraught), though I never shed a tear. I knew she had left, she told me. She and I had a plan, that whoever went first, would contact the other - I had almost forgotten the pact, til years later, in 2005, while working out of town, a small yellow feather came floating down from the ceiling without reason. I remembered then that she said she would send me " of Sweeties' feathers." She had a yellow Cockatiel that she dearly loved." I got that message, years later, but just when I needed it most.

I always had a hard time remembering her date of death until years later, visiting the cemetery, I noted it as the same day in 2001. I promised to remember it forever. And I will, for more reasons than one.

I lost my Dad 18 days ago. I was devastated, but relieved at the same time. I loved my Dad as much as life itself. I still do. He was an amazing Man, a Father at 19 (to me) and I had the opportunity to grow up with him (literally). I've had an amazing life because of my Dad & Mom (who was a Mom at 16 - to me). "They'll never make it," they said. We'll they did. 55 years, nearly 56. It's been very hard on my Mom, but she's coming around. I've always been very sensitive, as has my only Brother, my only sibling.

Dad died at home, sometime during the night, in his sleep. A wonderful way to go if you get a choice. He looked like he was sound asleep. Peaceful. Amazing. It was very hard on Mom, who found him and called me. There was no hope. He died many hours before being found.

As my Brother and Sister-in-law arrived, we were all distraught, but it seemed to pass quickly, though we were all sad, it didn't seem awfully painful. It was odd.

Sometime later, my Sister-in-law and I were passing in a double doorway, when we both felt something brush along side our legs. Her right leg, my left. Simultaneously, we both bent to see what it was and saw that each of us was doing the same thing. She though the dog has passed between us, but the dog was on the other side of the room. I began to laugh. She got chills and began swearing to my Brother that she actually felt it and said "I felt it! I did! And I don't believe in that." She believes in it now.

My Dad was a cut-up, a jokester and LOVED to laugh. I could make him spit his drink through his nose. It's a bond we shared. So I supposed he was playing a trick back when I discovered the mail, that my Brother had laid on the desk in the office, on top of the buffet in the dining room. Funny thing, we had been searching for some insurance contracts and turned the office upside down. It wasn't in the filing cabinet where he'd told us all our lives: "If my day comes, just look in the top drawer of the filing cabinet." We did. It was empty. Completely empty. But on the buffet in the dining room, under the mail (that no one put there), we found all the necessary papers for his estate. Funniest thing - we all had previously looked there. It wasn't there before.

There were so many synchronicities that have occurred over the last couple weeks and my poor Mother had been looking so sad. Then yesterday, she moved some begonia hanging baskets around on the porch. They normally drop a lot blooms when touched, but only one bloom fell. She didn't notice it. When coming in the house later, I saw the bloom and thought that I would pick it up so that no one would smash it and track it into the house. I bent over to pick it up and I could not believe what I was looking at. On the bottom half of the petal, my Dad's name was clearly printed. It's unbelievable. That was the clincher for my Mom. She said "he said he'd never leave me." I took a photo of the bloom and sent it to my Brother who immediately saw that the name on the bloom was "Jim."

There have been so many other things, music at the funeral home (not appropriate music for funeral home, but one of his favorite artists that we did not share with them,) Herb Alpert - "This guy's in love," began to play as my Mother walked into viewing room. Unbelievable.

My friends, yes it hurts. Yes it's painful. Yes you think you're never going to heal. Please pay attention, they're telling you everything is well. You're just not listening.

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