I had the most interesting happening a couple of weeks ago, where I believe my husband was trying to communicate a message to me. It was the day before I was leaving with our mutual friends for a big sporting event that he would attend every year. This was going to be a hard time for all involved because he was the co-pilot for this trip that he and his best friend took every year. It is one of the "firsts" that I am doing without him since his passing in December.
I was running errands that beautiful day... not really thinking about him or the trip that lay ahead. On departing one of my errands, I was sitting in the car and on the radio, Rebel Rebel by David Bowie started playing. I thought to myself- he loved David Bowie, and proceeded to drive to my next destination. As I was driving the next song was The Metro by Berlin. Well.... this is very significant in my/our lives. He LOVED Berlin, and the first time we hung out getting to know each other was actually at the place I was going to the next day and Berlin was the first concert we saw together at this place. It brought back a flood of memories of the first time we ever really hung around each other outside of work. (we met because we worked in the same place) As I sat in the car thinking about him and that first time together.. a drop of "water" fell on my nose inside my car. No windows were open, the sunroof wasnt open and I was just shock at the single drop of water that fell on my nose. I couldnt understand where it came from. I sat there, taking the drop of water off my nose and on my finger and looked at it for awhile... astonished.
At some point I decided to leave the car to go to quickly run my next errand, and upon my return to my car and turning on the radio.. a song by New Order called Regret was on the radio.
I just sat... and stared and realized that my husband was sending me a message.
As I drove home listening to this song, all I could think of telling him was "no regrets... Please dont have any regrets."
As I have come to do more reading and studying on this subject, I believe two things. 1) my husband, who was a musician, music filled his life and our lives, and music was his ministry, will communicate with me through music. That is what he knows and that is the best way for him to convey his messages to me. and 2) I believe that he prepped me to hear his message. I believe that the first song was to get my attention, the second was for me to understand that it was him, and the third was the message.
And the drop on my nose....
I am coming to believe it was a tear from him. I am coming to believe that he has regrets about not listening to his body when it was telling him it was in trouble...and he regrets what that has brought to bear.
Maybe I am reading this wrong, but I feel that this is the right thing.
And now I want to find out what he might regret so that we both can work through it... |
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