I was just sitting here remembering all the ADC's from my mom. They're more numerous than I realized. It started with her picture falling twice for no reason. Then an old letter from her appeared on my bedroom floor out of nowhere. Then the word game on the computer spelling out MOM ALIVE at the exact moment her favorite bird, the Cardinal, started a 5 minute chirping frenzy outside my bedroom window. Then there were the two dreams recently. I prayed and asked to be allowed to see a little part of what she was seeing in heaven and I did. Pine trees were tall as Redwoods and swaying to the most beautiful music and the most delightful smell in the air, nothing like I've ever smelled here. In the same dream beautiful Autumn trees appeared around the curve with each tree having many colors and different leaves of other trees on one tree. How beautiful that was. It still takes my breath away when I think of it! I sensed in my dream my mom was taking me on a tour. In another recent dream she and I were 'traveling', I don't know how, but we were moving right along and came upon a view of a night sky with two moons both moving towards each other. In my dream I was in a panic thinking of the collision of two moons but my mom was so excited, telling me 'LOOK LOOK, isn't it beautiful!' These were not ordinary dreams I might add. I actually felt like I left my bed and went there to where she was. And of course in the past 11 months I've heard her call out my name numerous times and always when I was fully awake. Then there are days when I feel and hear nothing and the dreams don't come and I panic thinking she's moved on and I'll never get another ADC.
I want her to keep it up. That's the only thing that keeps me going.
I have a birthday coming up in 8 days and I'm going to miss her being here to wish me a happy birthday.
I'm rambling I know but I've had so much on my mind tonight. I have no one to talk about this with in person who understands. But I knew I could come here and feel right at home with people who have experienced ADC's and don't write them off as silly gibberish.
What a shame we can't all be in a big room somewhere sharing all our stories in person!
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